Monday, March 16, 2009

Of all things great and small

Hey guys! I decided to update this.
First of all I would like to inform you all of what happened this last week. It started out with the usual Monday Morning Madness of trying to get all my homework and stuff done so I can maintain my grades in my classes. Actually I don't think I went to school on Monday, at all, I stayed home and did homework, but still making it into town in time to go to Dance Practice. I managed to get a lot done. I also figured out that it is very beneficial to e-mail your teachers, it works quite well! Because they always check their e-mail during the day, and will answer whatever you need during the day in their boredom.
Tuesday was hectic, I was turning stuff in right and left, trying to remember all that I needed to, I didn't of course, there's still some stuff that I forgot to hand in. Geh. Wednesday I did go to school, which I didn't really think I was going to, but I went. I was finishing up a lab as fast as I could, all day, in fact I went up to the tech booth during an assembly and hurriedly tried to do it. I did get it in, it was horrid, and rushed, but I did get it done. Then I started configuring getting picked up by the parents. Also the night before this my phone was lost in the rush back and forth to dance practice, play tryouts, and the school. I found it just before the parents showed up, at the stage, which was a saviour to my weekend. Ha ha.
The parents pulled up in the Mustang, and we managed to stuff everything we needed to in the mustang, food, bags, laptops. We did have to drop off my school bag at Stef's though, so no homework to be done! ha!
We had a nice drive up, where in I slept (Like I was instructed to! :) When we got to the hotel we discovered that most of the crew was still in Salina, since they had waited for Heather to leave town. And we are usually always late! ha ha We went into the hotel, a nice Marriott room. Then Katie and Jamie came to visit as I was in the shower, I came out to Krispy Kreme donuts! And my sisters! They were talking back and forth about the room, laptops and such things. I ate some, talked some, and then tried to get us out the door so that we could be on time...ish. We did get there on time...ish. Anyways, our practice went well I thought, a few lines were a little off. But that was ok, we could fix them relatively quickly.
Mama and Katie came with because they wanted to see the Cabaret practices, which began right after our practice was over. They were good, but not as good as last year's, I thought. We stuck around to watch all of them, and even got to see the group "Vocal Point" warm up for their rendition of the Star Spangled Banner for tomorrow. They were quite good, like a 8-person barbershop group, they had one note that one guy could not get exactly right until almost the very end.
We went back to the Hotel, I slept in the bed, and I just have to say that every other bed except mine leaves my back all hurt-y, don't know why, maybe they're too soft.
Our qualifying round went great too! I thought...our lines were pretty good, and only like one or two were way off. I was trying my hardest to smile as much as I could, I really was. Not every one else liked it as much, nor the judges I suppose.
I stuck around and watched a bunch of the dances, until I started to talk to a few of the other guys and found out that we desperately needed shoe polish, so Mamma and I ran to get some. We found some and I bought some wax polish along with it. The polish turned out to be for brown shoes, upth.
We went out and danced our best! I was smiling, energetic and executing as much flourish as my white boy personage could pull off. Though apparently in other parts of the team things weren't going so well, Cara straight up fell down at one part, a couple other people also made a few stumblings, and trips. Upth. I had a good time though! I was smiling winking and out right laughing some times. I must say it was quite a moment to be able to dance in front of all these people with one of the prettiest and most outstanding girls I know. So I was happy!
Well, we took seventh out of seven. ha ha, at least we didn't take fifth! ha ha. But that didn't bother me so much. What bothered me was that it seemed to bother my dear partner. So I was of course upset for her, and was tempted to go up to the main judge, shake him and tell him the whole story in full detail, punctuated with more shaking. I didn't though, now looking back I wander why not, I won't be coming back anytime soon, so I could have. He he.
We also got rides configured, since I thought I was riding down with the Benjamin's, but I wasn't in the end, but with Mamma and Daddy, in the early morning. I also discovered some of Mamma's wonderful photography, pictures included. I went down to show these to Nicole and her Mom, and Nicole's Mom immediately wanted some copies. Good job Mamma! While chilling with the Benjamin's I also got to play with Mancub for a while, or Zach Benjamin, and he's just too much fun. He pulled out Star Trek toys, models of the Enterprise and a Warbird, so we fought back and forth, in the end I had assimilated all of this ships since he insisted that he could travel Warp 30, which I told repeatedly that you couldn't even go Warp 10 since Warp 10 was the speed of light and you would turn into energy. That didn't work out too well, you try to explain to a third grader that E=mc2 proves that you would turn into energy when you hit the speed of light. Oh well, so I assimilated all of his ships and was using my shoes as space ships. I won! I say.
On the way back to the Hotel Mamma bought me a very spicy hamburger, which burned out my mouth all of that night, it was fun! My shake could not slake the burning unfortunately. Hot!
Next morning we just barely got there for me to sign into the office for first period, unfortunately by the time I got to Benj's class the bell had rung, so I was never actually in his class. So we didn't exactly know if I could go to State Speech that day. Well, no one physically stopped me, so I went! ha ha!
On the ride down I got to talk to Brooks and his following for a while, which was fun, and we discussed some philosophy and some Drama. Then Carter came on the bus, and that was fun too, it's been a while since I saw Carter, it was fun to see the change, he was much more mature since he was now a college student. Now he was even more entrenched in his Objectivist beliefs, which is strange, but to each his own.
To make a long story short, my day at speech went fair. I was doing Impromptu, which I must say I'm pretty good at, just make a good speech. My first speech was about Horses, likened them to what we use to get to our goals, and how we must use them properly. I got a 1 for that speech! Woot! Way good! Best in the room.
My second speech was more serious, and I simply can't do all serious speech, so I got a 3, not as good, hmmm. Then my last round just went completely kaput! Anyone who knows me knows that I remember stuff, I remember people, faces, movies, books, lines from that movie, quotes from the book, scripts, plays, I remember stuff. In my third speech I totally forgot two of my three major points! I had to look at my notebook, which sunk my boat all the way. The second I hummed and hawed I knew my rating was gone since the people in the room were pretty good speakers, so I made it funny. It went like "And my third point is...really good! Hold on a second!(Run to the notepad) Ah! Yes! It is still just as good! We must do it for the greater good!" Blah blah, but then I got a 5, out of 5 people. Making my last place quite secure. Bummer.
Friday night was spent talking philosophy with Carter and Alex, in the end convincing Carter that Abortion was wrong, and he should have a large family. Quite productive. Very interesting. Good job Alex!
On Saturday I had nothing to do, so I subjected myself to reading "The Jungle", I used Taylor's headphones and listened to loud music and read that horrid book. I got about 130 pages before I left with Chris so we could get to Mason's blessing. We only left after chasing the bus down to get my bag, putting in an hour of work in the apartment complex, configuring chores, giving Corban a nap, and getting a copy of the Jungle ready.
We got up North to join the family to join them at Fuddruckers and eat some good food. I ordered a 1 lb. spicy hamburger, which was way good! I couldn't finish it unfortunately, the spicy sauce they were using had this strange habit of getting in the back of my throat, so it burned more than usual. Interesting. Went with Mamma and Daddy to the Hotel, slept. mmmmmm.
Oh, another wonderful detail was that I got a call from Spencer Friday telling me that Heather's junior ballroom team had taken 3rd at the competition. Which made my depression complete, i had completely failed at State, we had hit rock bottom at the dance competition, and reading the Jungle put me in the mood of depression, major league. No bueno!!
On Sunday we tried really hard to get to the blessing on time, but there were these idiots blocking all 3 lanes of the freeway, going 20 miles an hour! So I got to sit in the Hog fearing for my life as my mother drove that 15 passenger at high Speeds, like unto a sports car. Scary! Daddy got in just in time to put his hand in the circle and be there for the very last bit. Whew!
We had a marvelous party at John and Chelsea's, I played with all of the Nieces and Nephews, enormous fun, and a lot of cuteness, snapping pictures left and right. Woohoo!
Went home, read the Jungle until 12:30 at night. Geh.
That was my horrific week! If it hadn't been for the enormously wonderful people surrounding me I think I would have been a complete wreck! So thank you so much to all of you! Thank you Nicole, for being the best dance partner a guy could ask for, for keeping that wonderful smile on your face through it all, keeping my heart nice and toasty! Thank you Katie for your laughing spirit and wonderful attitude, all the stories and letting me joke about your life a bit. ;) Thank you especially Mamma and Daddy who have done everything for me that was even possible! Thank you Jamie for bringing donuts, and helping me laugh for a bit! Thank you!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

A Wonderful Event

Something happened to me today that was very inspiring and a true piece of evidence that God is watching, and knows you in depth.
Today, I was feeling very much an individual. Last night I went to bed again without reading my scriptures, so I was already off of what was usual. So I felt like I should be totally independent, I don't need anyone, I don't want anyone. I did not feel like a full person. I kept on having lines of my poem run through my head, and I suppose I was taking it a little bit too seriously. "I do not deserve a haven of heaven, rather a hole of hell" I really did feel that I should be somewhere where I had to always bear my teeth and work my hardest, with no thought to anything else. I was in a mechanical, non-loving, all work mode. I was me, I didn't need help, I was going to make it through everything by myself. I didn't want to talk to people a lot, cause I didn't deserve to, and I felt I should be working constantly.
Sixth period I am an Elementary Aide, I go over to Pahvant and I assist the teachers with whatever they want me to do. As I walked over I saw a lot of cars pass, and after every one my mood was "Fine, go past, strange that everyone goes past, that's cause I don't seem like the kind of guy who wants a ride, that's good! Or maybe it isn't...something isn't right"
I got to the elementary, walked in, signed in, and began walking to my first class room. As I walked toward it I noticed this line of chairs and a stand with books on it, in the hallway. As I read the sign on the stand it said "If I'm busy with another conference, listen to your child read out loud the....." Crap, today is parent teacher conference's! Geh! I knew that! Wil didn't go to school today, so I should've known. Gosh dang it. So I sat down on one of the chairs in the hallway, and rested for a second, my calves hurted. As I was sitting in the chair I began to hear the conference in the room.
Teacher: "So you want to be a trapper when you grow up?"
Kid: "Yeah, it'll be the easiest thing, I just have to shoot an animal and sell it's skin."
Dad:"You know you need to actually do this, you can't be a trapper"
Kid:"Dad! Yeah I can, I can be like Buffalo Bill I can..."
Teacher:"You need to actually do you work if you want to, you need to.."
Then I couldn't hear what exactly they were saying, so I began thinking about what I was going to do when I got back to school. All of the sudden the kid came out, and he was cussing out his Dad to his full capability: "Dad, you are such a jerk! Why didn't you support me? You know I think we should trade places for a day, I'll sit around all day and play on the computer, and you can come here and deal with all these teachers, every day. You are mean to me. You are a mean jerk. You're a mean person, Hey! He's a mean person"
The kid was in the hall cussing out his Dad. Then I saw his Dad starting to come out the door. I noticed two things about him immediately, One: He was wearing army issue boots. Two: He seemed to have some sort of disability, he was swaying strangely, at first I thought he had a mental disability. As he began to walk out he was constantly leaning on a wall with one hand. I then realized what was going on. After a quick over look I noticed several signs and one assumption. The man had the upper body of a trained military man, he was wearing army boots, and he had a very passive face, even during the attacks of his son, his legs didn't go with any sense of control, his feet seemed to work well enough. I assumed this much, this guy was ex-military, then he acquired this disability, which took him back home and a home job. Which means he had all the physical capabilities a man can have, had a good job, and had respect, he didn't need help from anyone, now he always had to depend on something, and had to sit at a computer all day. As he came out he was leaning against the wall, as he came close to me he simply said, "I'm sorry, but I need to lean on you." No hesitation, no pride in his voice. He was humble, and accepting, he never even gave it a second thought. This man was totally acceptive of his situation. He went past where I was and continued to use the wall. When he came to the 4-way part in the hall, he took one step into the empty hall, locked his legs, and you could see he was thinking, "I'm going to fall". I came up behind him, offered him my arm and simply said "Sir?" He immediately said "Thank you" No hesitation, no pride in his voice, accepting, humble. I helped him along the rest of the hall. I realized then that this guy was greater than I could be, this guy took his trial, and accepted what help he needed.
I was humbled very much, and decided that I could learn to be more like him.

Monday, March 2, 2009


General Update an things goes something like this.
The next three weeks are horrible, hard, and hellish for me. First of all I have the BYU Dance competition next Wednesday, and for this, I have dance practice every day of the week. I also have Region and State speech, tomorrow, and next week. Prom is in three weeks. The quarter ends the Monday after Prom. Track has started, scheduling on that is still to come. So with Track practice, Dance practice, Speech Meets, Promenade Practice, and some nice hard classes, these next three weeks are horrible, but intense!
Oh! I popped my shoulder out, or something like it, I was wrestling around with Haas, and I had a really weird head lock on him, and I had all my body weight on it, and he was pushing out, and I felt something move in there, so I shoved him away, flexed and it popped back in. It hurt, but then Haas didn't realize how serious I was and thought it would be funny to give me a titty-twister in this, he did, and then promptly got a lovely kick in the shin for it, it was with the soft part of my foot, no actual sole of foot involved, but it still made him limp for a while.
Tomorrow I'm in the movie assembly for the school, I am both in some of the movies, and in the skits in between, so it should be interesting.
Oh yeah, this is a poem I wrote up on the spot, out of the blue, I had a random thought during the day, and just decided to follow up on that little character trait/thought, and I got this. It's freeverse, and pretty sloppy, but I just kind of like it.
I do not belong in a haven of Heaven
I do not deserve to be in this place of paradise
I’m not an angel sent to brighten the world
I’m an animal, a creature, sent to wipe the grime off
So an angel can shine for the earth

I do not belong with the shining souls
But rather with the damned souls of the depth
To be with them, to stand them up
Lead them to the light

I do not deserve to own a place of paradise
But to be given a forage of fire
To tame and quench to the Lord’s desire

I do not deserve an angel
To keep me happy as I go
But rather my sneering demons
To keep me company with their jeering

I am not meant to live in a state of peace
But to be burned and learned
To be tempered and tossed
To be folded and molded into something else
To be arranged for a halo
To one day join the ranks
The hosts of heaven one day

But that day is not today
And the time is not now
Now I must stand my own fire
To feel it’s burn across my skin
And revel in my burden
That I bear.
To pay the debt that I have incurred
To work toward Him, and his choir of angels
I have incurred a debt
This much is true
I can pay it, day by day
Made possible by an Angel from above

One day I can join the hosts of heaven
And feel eternal happiness
Because of my dear brother
He loves me so much
So much I don’t deserve
But he does all the same
So I work in the fire
To pay off a debt I owe
To try and repay
A debt unpayable.

God has angels here upon the earth
They hide their wings and their halos
To be with us.
But they can’t stop the glow
That flows from themselves
As they sit in one house
And spin out pure gold
They emit a golden light
A love undefined
Something so pure,
So fine, so rare
Something we all need to find
But to a creature of the night
A denizen of the deep
This light turns my head
And with a whisper says
“You don’t belong here yet”
The creature can never belong in this place
Until he learns his hard earned lesson
Until he purges his sins
With hellfire and pain
He can not belong in such a place
In a place of paradise
In a Haven of Heaven

No, the first person in this poem is not me, well, not all the way, in some ways, yes, i think, but in other ways not. I don't know, I just thought the poem sounded cool.
Rock on!